Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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