Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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