New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
