peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
