Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
