Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
