Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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