well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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