Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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