Sry I called you an 8
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
