I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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