I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
