is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
