i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we're making bets on your personal life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
