your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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