Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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