If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
