and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
