hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
