That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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