ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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