When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
