Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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