I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
