I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
