He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
