He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
