you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
