i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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