Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You need a sexual gate keeper
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
