It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
