Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
