This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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