.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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