Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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