Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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