u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
