He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
