Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i dont even know how to be here
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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