At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
