I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
