you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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