I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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