Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
