I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
