On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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