If i come over, it means nothing
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
