My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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