i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
