dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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